A Ruined World
by CouldBe
Summary: Nasuada is trying to rid Alagaesia of the annoyingly horrible pests known as Mary Sues. Unfortunatly it's proving irritatingly difficult. The things simply won't DIE! Murty is having a nervous breakdown, Nas. is close to one too...please read and review
1. The Problem

Nasuada peered down at the pitiful creature at her feet. She rolled her eyes at the annoying perfection of it.

Its waist-long golden hair glittered in the sunlight, the delicate rose-coloured lips were slightly parted and the immaculate skin practically glowed with energy.

Quite ironically, it was dead.

Its body was slim and well-curved, the clothes impractical and other-worldly, not that that stopped them looking 'amazing' on the creature.

"What is it your majesty?" Jarsha inquired, he was one of the few people who had offered to help Nasuada on her now hopeless-seeming quest to rid the land of those foul beings.

"Another one," Nasuada stated through grinding teeth.  
>Ever since Christopher Paolini decided to allow to feature his book on fanfiction, these nausea-inducing women and occasionally men had started to appear in Alagaesia. Though Nasuada wasn't sure what Fanfiction was, nor why the creatures had been called 'Mary-Sues', she knew it was her duty as queen to exterminate them.<br>They bent every law of physics, science, reality and nature. They slaughtered the same people over and over again without even touching them. There were hundreds of them. And worst of all, they were ANNOYING.

"What shall we do with it?" Jarsha was asking, clambering up the steep and slippery mountain side.  
>The Queen waited until he had reached the top before she answered.<br>Jarsha looked down at the lifeless body of the Sue. His head tipped to one side and his eyes took on a far-away glaze. He fell to his knees beside the creature and stared at its closed eyes.  
>"Not AGAIN Jarsha!" Nasuada snapped her fingers in front of the boy's face. He didn't move.<br>Another downside to the 'thing' was the way single men acted around them. They would become practically hypnotised by their supposed 'beauty'. Especially when they were dead.  
>Not that they ever were dead. They were brought back to life at the fall of a feather. Though usually it was a kiss from their 'true loves'. Aka Eragon…or Murtagh.<br>Nasuada made an involuntary frown. That point angered her more than she cared to admit.  
>She searched the girl for a sign of whom she preferred, the queen didn't want to drag <em>both<em> the male riders up the mountain for nothing.  
>Black leather boots...silver cross…black nail polish…<p>

"Murtagh?" she called.  
>Somewhere at the foot of the hill there was a disgusted grunt and then the sound of Eragon's chuckles.<p>

Skipping all the nonsense that caused Nasuada both un-shown pain as well as pity, the Mary Sue awoke in a burst of gibberish.

"I knew you'd come back for me!" the creature sighed happily.  
>Nasuada groaned inwardly, Murtagh groaned aloud.<p>

Jarsha, insulted by Murtagh's display of 'affection' sat grumbling on a rock.  
>"You're not a **** ******* **** like Eragon,"<br>"Charming!" Eragon's voice echoed from the bottom of the hill. Curse his elf-like hearing.  
>The girl took no notice "oh hi Nasu!"<br>"You did NOT just call me that…" 'Nasu' snapped at the girl.  
>The Mary Sue bounced onto her feet with the strength and elegance that could have beaten any elves, as though she HADN'T just DIED.<br>"My name is…"  
>"Stop right there!" Murtagh growled, his hand held up and his face twisted away. "If I. Hear. One. More. Of those, awful. Long. Disgusting. Scum of names. I. WILL. Die!"<p>

The Sue stared at him for a long time "what do you mean?" she inquired softly, a hint of fear in her voice. Then she gasped suddenly and glared at Nasuada. "Is it true!" she hissed.

Nasuada sighed. They lived in their own world, no matter what anyone said, they would only hear what they WANTED to hear. "Horse, donkey, shoe, murmur, murmur mutter, pig-fly, book-keeping worm eater," Nasuada said, causing some very worried glances from Murtagh. "Only having a bit of fun," she whispered to him. Murtagh nodded, still confused.  
>The Sue gasped again. "HOW DARE YOU TRY AND STEAL MY NAME! YOU **** ****** **** ******* ***** **** ******* ********* of a *******"<br>Nasuada blinked in surprise, she had never heard a Sue speak like that before. Her eyes narrowed as an idea struck her. She smiled at the Sue.  
>"You…swear a lot don't you? You could almost call it…a flaw."<p>

THAT, even a SUE could not help overhearing. Her hand shot to her mouth and she spluttered something incoherently and finally tipped back in a dead-faint and vanished.

"I thought them actually dying would be a little more exciting…big fire here and there, a few explosions, you know…" Murtagh muttered.

There was a large flash and the horrible creature reappeared. "Murtagh! Your kind words have brought me back to life."

"You have GOT to be joking." Murtagh groaned. "DIE you DAMNED CREATURE, DIE, DIE, DIE!"

Jarsha stared at Murtagh "your majesty, should I tell Eragon to get the doctor again?"  
>Nasuada nodded.<br>Jarsha made his way down the mountain but looked back up at Nasuada for another sign of approval. Instead he caught sight of the creature and fell to his knees once more.

Nasuada let out, yet another, sigh.


	2. Another Problem

In Nasuada's charming little white castle, a castle with spiralling towers with conical sun-baked roofs, just off the banks of the Tüdosten sea, there is a dark and damp tunnel that stretches all the way from Furnost to Petrovya in a dangerous semi-circle upholstered with cells upon cells standing crookedly side-by-side.

Every single cell holds a wretched Mary Sue.

None of them were dying, no matter how little food and water they got, and the soldiers were slowly running out of spaces to put them in.

Nevertheless, with no other option, Nasuada and her little group of Mary Sue Hunters wandered back with the golden-haired, Murtagh-loving Mary Sue they had found in the morn.

A young man with a ridiculously over-sized moustache ran to meet them at the gates and take the Mary Sue from their hands. Surreptitiously bending forwards, he whispered into the poor Queens ear, the following words of woe

"We have entirely run out of Space my lady,"

Nasuada nodded, the time had come, as she knew it would. She had to find a way to kill the beasts.

"Died, die, die, died? Die, die, die, die, dead, die, die, die, die, die!" Murtagh was muttering, rocking back and forth on the back of ash coloured horse. It was neighing worriedly. Eragon was laughing his empty head off on Saphira overhead, closely followed by an irritated Thorn.

And all Nasuada could do was sigh. Again. And a hundred times more.

"Right!" Nasuada called out cheerfully, rubbing her hands as she bumped the door of her chamber open with her hip and strolled into the room. _I can do this, I can do this, and I WILL do this. _She told herself, pattering across the room for her wardrobe so she could release her body from the scratchy travel wear she had carried to escape the notice of the countrymen.  
>When she flung the cupboard doors open she discovered, with horror, a young tanned night-colour-haired creature with full red lips an far-away silver eyes.<br>It took Nasuada a while to realise she was screaming, and once she did, she stopped immediately. Unfortunately the damage was done and Murtagh came running from the neighbouring sick-room.

"die?" he asked, collapsing into the room.

Nasuada bit her lip and frowned at the squirming man, sprawled out on the floor like spilled beans, gasping like a fish. "Die? Die? Die? Die?"  
>Nasuada shook her head "no, no, I'm fine Murtagh, really,"<br>He caught sight of the girl and groaned. "kill her!" he gasped, pointing at the girl. Then his lids fluttered and his pupils rolled to the back of his head. A few minutes later loud, door-creaking noises were escaping through Murtagh's mouth and nose which Nasuada could only hope was snoring.

Gently placing a cushion beneath the deranged man's head, and covering his body with a silken blue blanket, Nasuada sat cross-legged beside him with her hands covered her eyes and cheeks.  
><em>What am I going to do? What CAN I do? <em>She let a gap appear between her ring and middle fingers and peered down at her broken-minded soul mate.  
>A blue blanket…how ironic.<br>It struck her how well Murtagh and Eragon had been getting on ever since Murtagh's return and Eragon abandoning his teachings. Like brothers, constantly bickering, but always on some level of companionship or other.  
>A blue blanket, on a red rider.<br>Nasuada peered at the creature on the ground beside her.  
>"hmmm…" she let out, her eyes narrowing into thoughtful slits. She smiled, almost evilly, and repeated the noise "hmm…yes, yes indeed."<p>

**Yuppy, yuppy, yup, yup, yups! And I only just realised I didn't write an author's note on the last one…meh, I'll pretend I meant to do that.  
>ANYWAYS what d'ya think? Good? Bad? Worse? Alright? Brilliant? (last ones a LITTLE optimistic…) anyway, whatever your opinion REVIEW and TELL ME, please?<br>You feel the mouse slowly moving across the screen towards the blue button…slowly…slowly…slowly…and now QUICKLY! Slowly…and now, you have reached the button, CLICK!  
>man, who was it who said hypnotising works? No fair, they lied *sniff*<strong>

**And that's me done, byas!-CB**

**Belated disclaimer: EVERYTHING BELONGS TO MEEEEE! Alagaesia, the elves, every character, plot, scene EVERYTHING and CP is my SLAVE!**


	3. Struggle

Nasuada held up her finger to silence the distressing questions of Orik, Eragon, Angela, Orrin, Glaedr's heart of hearts and several others including the deranged Murtagh who made up her 'hall of discussion' where they argued about her plans and theories.  
>Eragon shook his head. "Mad, mad, they're all mad," he muttered, realising a little TOO late that he had said it out loud.<p>

"I know it seems…an unlikely solution…" Nasuada began, but was immediately cut off.

"No, no dear, it's not unlikely. It's too LIKELY to be the solution, THAT'S the problem," Angela stated, bending over her knitting as though someone might try and steal it. Eragon snorted.

"In that case…" Nasuada tried, unsure how to end that sentence and generally rather lost for words. She stared at the ceiling for a full minute before she finally worked it out. "So you'd rather have these creatures crawl across our land, take our food, kill our people and stand around like drunken moon-calves being an utter nuisance and irritation?"

All shook their heads except for dear king Orrin. Nasuada almost strangled him as soon as his mouth opened. Luckily he was sitting behind a very large stone table.  
>"Well, I personally find them quite pretty and couldn't possibly think of what problem they present to our countries."<p>

"That's because you're SINGLE, no one LOVES you!" Eragon hissed.

Orrin glared at him "that coming from another…"

"Not anymore ACTUALLY," Eragon grumbled. Orrin raised an Eyebrow. "WHAT?"

"A girl?" Orrin questioned, doubtfully.

Eragon blinked at him. "WHAT ON EARTH ELSE WOULD IT BE?"

Orrin shook his head and looked strangely disappointed, as though he'd just lost a bet. To Eragon's extreme annoyance, Orik bent towards the king and whispered "told you"

"MAY I CONTINUE NOW?" Nasuada snapped, she had been listening to the conversation with increasing impatience and anger, and was slowly starting to lose control. When she was ignored and Eragon went on protesting, Orrin started pushing gold pieces across the table towards the dwarf in slow motion, Saphira and Thorn snorted in some bizarre smoke-orchestra, Angela's needles clacked together with the intensity and loudness of horse-hooves hitting stone and Murtagh continuously repeating the word 'die', she finally had enough. "I HAVN'T EVEN STARTED EXPLAINING MY PLAN TO YOU AND YOU'RE ALREADY ARGUING!" she screamed hysterically, smashing her chair against the table. Well, THAT definitely got their attention, as they all went scattering to hide beneath different items of furniture. Except Murtagh who's repetitive flow of words was replaced by a long pulled howl when a splinter from the chair got lodged inside his arm.

Nasuada crumpled to the floor, her head imbedded in her skirt, her arms around her knees and her body slowly rocking back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.

The healers came in and carried Murtagh away.

Back and forth.

There was a deep breath and then Angela's needles resumed their clacking. "Well go on then, you're not honestly going to waste that good an outbreak on using your dress as a pillow are you? Such a shame, such a shame"

Nasuada peered up "THAT'S what it takes to get your attention?"

All members, dragons, humans and dwarves alike, nodded.

~ (0) ~_after much explaining and shouting:_ ~ (0) ~

The plan was simple really. A Mary Sue was flawless, beautiful and terribly annoying. Nasuada was going to try and make them listen to people ugly, full of flaws and quite entertaining. How such a simple plan had taken 9 hours to explain, even Nasuada could not tell. However, after the given time, the plan was agreed and put to the test.

The Sue that Nasuada had found in her cupboard was carried to a room where a lone woman awaited her. Indeed, she wasn't beautiful, with a wart-infestation on her chin and grey-flecked and lank black hair over her. Let's say, robust shoulders. She was kind enough to smile at the thing though, and that took a fair amount of courage and perseverance.

"My name is Aila, and yours?" she asked politely.

The Mary Sue looked briefly in the woman's direction and then glanced away again in disgust. "Mistglider Dawnhuntrezz midn'ite Diamond" she replied in a sing-song voice.

Aila nodded, looking a little worried "my," she chuckled "what an intriguing name, a-ha…ha. Very long…very long too, what may I call you?"

"Mistglider Dawnhuntrezz midn'ite Diamond"

Aila shook her head, trying to get the girl's full attention "n-no, I mean for short."

"Sarah"

Aila was surprised at the unrelated nick-name, but it was better than nothing, so she battled on, doing what she'd been asked to do.  
>For three hours she poured out her life, her problems, her faults, her funniest jokes, her most heart-felt memories and attempted to horrify the expressionless creature, but to no avail.<p>

Nasuada watched with a sinking heart. The things were unbeatable. Invincible. Her land would suffer because of her incompetence to kill the horrible beings. She couldn't do anything about that.

* * *

><p><strong>I am back! Hello! I am in NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED of reviews havn't had one of them in ages, even though they taste SO good. anyway, there is another reason you have to review: I have a few, of course, but not all of them are any good, so I'dd appreciate ideas Nassy could get in attempts to rid her land of the WRETCHED creatures. Best ones get to go in the story! and they get a teddy bear! and I'll throw in a lump of cheddar for anyone who's that interested in cheese...:S anyways, hope you liked the chappie, updates will be...slowER 'cos I'm working over the weekend (honestly, I'm 13, it should be put down as child labour, and THAT dear father-who-is-making-me-be-a-waitress-at-his-dumb-birthday-do, is illegal. harrumph!:|)<strong>

**byas! **


	4. Complications

_Nilia was twenty-five and stunningly beautiful. Her long waved night-coloured hair went to her hips and swayed gently to and fro when she walked, which she did with an air of such grace and purpose that men practically fainted at her feet.  
>Her rosy skin glowed with life, kindness and generosity and her sky blue eyes changed colour when her mood did.<br>Anyone within a three-metre radius of her smelt her sweet, summer-scented smell and couldn't do anything but fall in love…_

"It smells of strawberries," Eragon informed Nasuada, walking beside her as they strolled through the Sue prison.

"That'd be her," Nasuada replied cocking her head to one side as they went passed one of the cells in which a dark haired Sue was speaking loudly. They stopped to listen, having nothing else to do but mope about the castle feeling sorry for themselves and their country.

"lyk u dumbe emus and da preps stop flaming K?111111 just cos u cant rite and thinks u jealous, stop flming ok/1"

The two watchers glanced at each other and the back at Nilia.

"Chapter 34" the creature was saying now "tha infinite fortress, A/N: hi all ma good revuus thanx so much for da encrougmnt! I think I doin good on dis sotry but I not sure how 2end it ya know?"  
>Nilia's eyes turned golden as her gaze fell upon Eragon. "Eragon you came for me!" she whispered gently. "I thought you dumped me!"<p>

Eragon looked shocked and took a step back. "I knew you wouldn't though! You'd never leave me, would you?"

There was a pause then Nilia closed her eyes and kissed the air lovingly. Then she started taking her clothes off and Nasuada decided to follow Eragon who had already sprinted a mile in his horror.

~T~I~M~E~L~E~A~P~A~N~D~C~H~A~N~G~E~O~F~S~C~E~N~E

Murtagh looked at his face in the mirror. He looked awful and couldn't think why Nasuada could possibly love a man with purple sacks drooping from his eyes, hair unkempt, face unwashed and unshaved and a crazed look in his eye. At least he could speak normally again.

"What do you think?" Nasuada repeated her question. She'd been telling him about Nilia's strange outburst.

"Sarah did that too," Murtagh replied sullenly, scratching a patch of grime from his eyebrow.

Nasuada raised an eyebrow with a look which Murtagh, seeing her in his mirror, could only describe as impatient. Obviously she wanted to know why he hadn't told her.

"Well I couldn't could I? I was too busy telling the world to die." He hissed and gave up on the grime. It wouldn't come off.

Nasuada's look softened and she slung her arms around his shoulder and murmured into his ear. "it's alright, just…go have a bath in the lake, I'll come too, and then we can think about this together."

Murtagh chuckled.

"aw, you already act like your married," Eragon snickered.

The couple spun around. "where in the world did YOU come from?" Murtagh yelled.

Eragon shrugged. "After recovering from my…shock, I got tired of my room, so here I am."

Angela strolled into the room, closely followed by Solembum and Orik.

"Yes, just stroll in why don't you, it's not like this is the QUEENS chamber or anything, no, no." Murtagh grumbled.

Of course after a few minutes Orrin came stumbling in and Saphira and Thorn pressed their large eyes against the windows to alert them all that they were listening.

Murtagh crossed his arms. So much for a bath in the lake.

"Burn them!" Eragon yelled.

"Cut their heads off!" Orik suggested.

"Lock them in boxes and throw them in the sea!"

"Tie them to _ships_ and send them to sea!"

"Hang them!"

"Stab them!"

Nasuada groaned as the screaming went on. On and on and on and on. None of them would work, most of them they had already tried. Ships were too valuable; fire did nothing, nor did water. Pointless. Pointless. Pointless. Pointless. Pointless. Pointless drivel that was driving her up the wall. Up the wall? Goodness, it was sending her passed the gods and further. Passed the stars. Passed the moon. Passed life itself.

"curse them!"

"kill them!"

How, how? How could she kill them, the things didn't die, wouldn't die, couldn't die. Why was she burdened with that responsibility, why? Because she was queen. She didn't care. She didn't want to be queen anymore. Just lie down in bed and be a child again. Have daddy sort everything out and tell her stories when the nightmares came to haunt her. Or just throw herself into her grave and die; either way was fine as long as she finally had peace!

Nasuada peered up. She had instinctively curled in a ball, like she did when she was younger. Uncurling herself, she felt very self-conscious and embarrassed, figuring that everyone was staring at her. She was wrong.

In the centre of the room was a girl with brown hair down to her ankles and wide grey eyes. She was dressed in baggy yellow pyjama trousers and a red-blue striped nightgown that went passed her knees and had ridiculously puffy sleeves. She wasn't exactly unattractive, but you couldn't possibly say she was perfect either. Something about her was…strange, weird almost.

"Who. Are. YOU?" Murtagh breathed.

The girl seemed to catch herself and grinned at Murtagh, then Nasuada, and one by one, everyone in the room.

"IT WORKED!" she squealed finally, hugging herself and doing a twirl. He gleeful outburst back-fired a little, as she tripped over her hair and fell to the floor. "Well, almost worked, who knew transporting into other worlds made your hair longer, pah." She licked her teeth and put her hair in front of her face. "see, now I'm the 'thing' from the Adams family!" The Girl had disappeared behind her hair which was shaking with her laughter.

"I repeat, who are you exactly?"

The girl pushed the hair out of her face again and grinned. "Why didn't you know?"

Murtagh shook his head slowly, very slowly."

The girl frowned. Then shrugged and smiled again. "Why, I'm a self-insert of course!"

**BADUM! Moi has arrived! Muhahahahaha! And the reason I am wearing PJs in the story, is because I am NOT wearing them now. That makes no sense whatsoever, oh well.**

**Hope you liked this chappie! (*points gun at reader* of course you did, didn't you? Yes, 'course you did) no matter if you did or not, you know what you have to do and it involves a lot of typing and approx. two clicks.**


	5. Note

**Rightio, I have an apology, (an explanation), an announcement, good news, a question, a favour to ask and…whatever else I can think of before this authors note is finished. So, better get started:**

**To all those readers patient enough to have waited this long and still click on this when you got the email/alert/chance; I apologise for keeping you late, I as having the most severe writers block in all of writing history, no joking. :(**

**As for the announcement, to which the explanation belongs, 'tis simple: my chapter-posting is going to go much faster from now on. This is because I am a 'project' person. This means not only that every time I get bored, I tiny part of me dies, but also that I call everything that has (willing) work a project. When I as faced with NO projects, just a few weeks ago, I said yes to every single idea I could grab a hold of. Now I have too many and have to get ridor/finish some quickly. Thus the speeding of the chapters.**

**That was also the good news.**

**I've forgotten the question.**

**The favour: If my chapters seem rushed, tell me where and why and I will change it immediately.**

**Thanksies! –CB**

**(PS: Next Chappie coming later this evening/morning (depending on which continent you're on…)**


	6. Distress

"Seize her!" Murtagh cried, pointing at the stranger who made an innocent face and then, seeming to only just realize what Murtagh had requested, rolled her eyes and coughed.

"How very cliché…"

Unfortunately for Murtagh, the guards only listened to Nasuada's orders.

"Seize her…" she repeated in a resigned tone of voice. Oh let them do what they want with the confusing witch-girl.

A trio of silver-scaled soldier-fish came swimming by and held the self-insert tight with all of their sweaty flippers. The self-insert growled at them and, on realising that they were slightly stronger than she anticipated, leaned her full weight backwards so that she as practically sitting on them. Actually, she WAS sitting on them; it's surprising how much your muscles ache after travelling in and out of books.

"I have heard of these self-inserts before. They can be very strange creatures. The majority of them are Mary Sues, am I right?" Nasuada interrogated. Time to find some truth among all these confusing Fanfiction words; Mary Sues, Gary Stues, self-inserts, flames, hackers and…her head began to swim.

Meanwhile the self-insert nodded. Either that, or she as trying to gesture to Eragon to bring her the grapes without using her arms, either way, it was taken as a yes.

"Never mind that!" Orik cried "how do you kill the blooming Sues!"

At that "cue" the self-insert hooked her legs around the two guard's knees, so that they toppled backwards, and head-butted the third in the face to make her grand escape. Sprinting towards the queen, she flung her arms out screaming "I have come as a saviour!"

She'd forgotten about the hair again.

Sprawled across the marble floor she peered up at Nasuada who looked quite frightened.

"I didn't know self-inserts could also be lunatics…" she whispered to Murtagh who nodded solemnly.

"Fine then, I won't help you!" The girl grumbled, rolling on her back to make a point of crossing her arms.

Murtagh and Eragon looked at each other from the corner of their eyes. Nasuada looked around for help and eventually it fell up to Angela to answer.

"I have a feeling we'll get along quite well actually…" she pointed out, speaking to both Nasuada and the self-insert. "Anyone for a cup of tea?"

O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O..O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O

The self-insert stared up and then down the never-ending corridor of prison cells. It was dark and damp and the whole hall-way echoed with nonsense, heartfelt 'Eragon!'s, sorrowful or sympathetic 'Murtagh!'s and the rustle of the on- and off- taking of thousands of clothing pieces out of mysteriously tinny-sounding material. The self-insert could practically taste the atrocious spelling and grammar that warbled out of each Sues mouth, and she could definitely smell the abominations that no man dared to call 'plot-line'.

She wanted to throw up, that was how badly it stank.

Filtering the air through her teeth, the Insert took a deep breath and tried to keep it in her lungs for as long as she could while she strolled past the cells and inspected the cluster of Sues that she found behind each barred door.

Warrior Sues, princess Sues, elf Sues, ungrateful Sues, saviour Sues, Damsel-in-distress Sues, they were all there, a whole catalogue of vibrantly skinned, full lipped, glitter-eyed Barbie dolls.

"What holds?" Angela, the only one who had the heart to enter the cursed dungeons after Eragon's…experience, questioned the Inserts abrupt pause.

"In other places…other worlds, other circumstances, this would be considered inhumane," she said slowly, waving her hands at the darkened chambers.

They were small enough for a single person for any long period of time, but every cell was jam packed with at least 20 creatures with barely any breathing space and certainly no moving space. All of them starved, tortured, unwashed and left to rot.

Not that it was noticeable, the Sues looked untouched, but the concept still drifted somewhere among those dark holes.

Angela watched them through the bars "You almost pity them…" she mumbled.

"It's escapism…"

Angela looked at the Insert quizzically.

"The Suethers, the writers who create the Mary-Sues, they're usually half-witted, hysteric, over-dramatic teenies who think the world hates them and that everyone should care about their petty little problems…" The girl explained leaning back against the bars with a 'clang' for emphasis once she had reached the end of the sentence.

Angela tried to fit that information into her head. "People CREATE these things? On PURPOSE?"

The self-insert assented and sent a hateful glare to a Sue that was comparing Nasuada to a pot-bellied pig.

The woman frowned "still, that's a very large generalisation…are you sure of it?"

"no, but if I forced myself to accept that they might be charming, characterful, charitable people with potential for becoming amazing authors, I'd have to shoot…erm…stab myself. Aspiring authors appreciate decent competition, at least I do, but DECENT competition it must be."

Angela nodded.

"moving on!" the Insert announced, feeling that she'd told too much.

Angela watcher her from the corner of her eye for the rest of the inspection. Who was this girl who claimed writers could create beings. Surely writers were men who copied or composed texts, poems, stories, history from memory or mind and put, with ink on paper, chalk on slate, paint on walls, the words together in readable runes for people to read for years to come. In their stories characters rose and fell at the flick of a quill pen. They committed heroic deeds or the most sinful crimes imaginable, but they did not walk the earth in flesh and blood.  
>Aye, some characters acts set the heart racing, or the tears flowing, but none of them were real, surely!<br>These writers were not gods! They could not create things beyond the end of their pages!

Could they?

What was HER world then? Was it merely another flick of ink? A faint impression of another beings imagination?

This was all getting too philosophical…

Angela put her hand on the girls shoulder. Shocked, the Insert swivelled around.

"Who ARE you?" Angela whispered "WHAT are you?"

The Insert took a deep breath.

" I Could Be anyone…take your pick."

**Ok, forgive me the lame name-slip-in at the end there, but knowing me (which unsurprisingly, I do.) that's exactly what I WOULD say.**

**So, you know the chase by now, so just to annoy you, I'll retype the instructions ANYWAY.**

** the blue button  
>something into the box (preferably something relevant to the chapter)<br>the button below the box**

**Good luck in your quest!**

**Also, those LOTR readers, anyone know any good fanfics for them? I'm reading the books at the moment…**


	7. Falling

Aila inspected herself in the bronze-rusted mirror that decorated the outside door of the Nasuada's private vegetable patch. It was supposedly Nasuada's at least, though the most she did was stroll about and smile kindly at the workers, including Aila, while they sowed the plants, grew the plants, harvested the plants and sorted the plants. Occasionally the Queen would come and exchange a few words of nothingness, just to feel normal and under her people again. That was not supposed to be told to anyone beyond the castle walls however, and Aila held true to her word.

That wasn't what she was thinking about.

She gently traced her little squinty eyes on the mirror, alternately stretching and pursing her lips while she did so. Eventually her short podgy hands fell to her sides and tears pricked the back of her eyes.

'Good things come to those who wait' her mother had always prophesied. Well, Aila had waited, a long, long time, and now her chins were becoming wrinkly, her hair greying and becoming frizzier and her body become steadily more onion-shaped. Well she'd waited, but the world had passed her by with no husband to smile with and no children to care for.

If she wasn't going to get any prettier, then she at least wanted to do some good in the world and not be known as a greedy, fat swine that dozed and never raised a finger.

Perhaps ridding the world of those beings would suffice…those horrible creatures that had let her feel so miserable and lonely.

She blinked away the tears that had attempted to escape.

That would be a start.

O.O.([P][P][P]).O.O

_Starlight Gemma Moonhuntrez was sixteen and proud of it. Her sleek figure and golden hair could shimmer in the darkness and her effect on males was indisputably awe-inducing.  
>Though the girl was a stunner (and that's an understatement) she wished to remain modest so as not to make the other girls in her village jealous, so always wore a shapeless cotton top…<em>

Murtagh closed his eyes and massaged his temples. "Did you know," he said out loud, to no one in particular as no one was around, "I haven't sighed in the last half an hour. In my standards, these days, that's very impressive."

He opened his eyes. "Now I'm talking to myself…thank you."

The doors opened slowly, revealing a blonde haired young creature who seemed to sparkle strangely when she stepped into the shadows. Her golden eyes were transfixed to the window as she turned her head to Murtagh and began to speak.

"I am Starlight Gemma Moonhuntrez" –Murtagh sighed- "The fifth princess of the shadowed-light elf village."

Murtagh raised his eyebrows "well that's complete an utter nonsense anyway. What do you want, why are you not in a cell and for what reason are you wearing a sack?"

"All in good time, my sir-"

"No, now. And I am definitely not your sir!" Murtagh snapped.

The Sue paused before continuing, but Murtagh had already stopped listening. Like he was going to get a decent answer out of the pointless cloud-walker anyway, silly cow.

"Have you seen my dearest Eragon? My love for him has beamed me out of my cell and I must find him or else I might become sick with worry!" this spoken in complete and utter hysterics. "Oh, how I miss his beautiful eyes!"

"they're dull and brown…"

"his sweet curly hair!"

"he hasn't washed it in three months…"

"His wonderful charm!"

"haven't heard of that one before…"

"and his amazing _sty-le_!" The Sue struck the most bizarre pose imaginable, leaping in the air and disappearing at the same time, leaving a rainbow coloured track behind her.

Murtagh blinked in stunned silence. "Next time bring a unicorn with you why don't you?" he screamed after her, then collapsed on his bed with a huff, falling asleep almost as soon as he touched the pillow. It was only afternoon, but blooming earth, those Sues were hard work on the nerves.

Starlight had found Eragon after all. He was still shuddering for hours after she had finally been dragged away by the guard-naked Nasuada had found out rather harshly, having walked straight before the struggling bunch on her way to visit the Insert who had, strangely, decided to dwell in a hut not so far from the castle, but without it's protective walls and invitingly rich feasts.

Nasuada, carefully edging her way around the two struggling guards, took hold of Eragon who, as is to be read in the paragraph before, was shivering like a madman.

Once they got to the queer little hut, a small, crumbling wood hut with a sagging mouse-infested straw roof and a door that wouldn't close properly, but with surprisingly homely rooms (something that Angela's handiwork had easily prepared) they were met with tea and biscuits and a very surprising sight. The Insert was hanging off the ceiling. Upside down. And Angela was standing beneath her tutting.

"Well, I can't say I didn't warn you." She was pointing out.

"You said it was QUITE strong glue! You never said it as THAT strong glue!" The Insert yelled back "Now help me down! I can feel the blood rushing to my head, and I've already got a headache."

After much manoeuvring, the Insert toppled onto the floor and blinked sadly at the ceiling "I liked those slippers…"

Angela gave her a sharp look and she shut up.

"Ah, Nasuada!" Angela bowed. The Insert attempted to stand up, but couldn't for the dizziness. "What is it that you wish from us?"

Nasuada peered up at the slippers that were stuck to the ceiling, then down at the cross-legged girl on the ground. THIS was the messenger who was to tell her how to heal her world? An immature, constantly inquisitive, clumsy, barely-thirteen CHILD? She wanted to hiss and turn back, but couldn't, it was impolite, also Eragon looked worn out and in need of one of Angela's concoctions.

"Eragon has gone into extreme shock…" she hinted and Angela was already off, ordering the young girl around as though she were the woman's apprentice and the young girl followed Angela's instructions to the best of her abilities.

Finally they settled down around the shiny red tea pot and stared at each other in silent anticipation as they listened to Eragon shivering in bed in the next room.

"Very well," Nasuada broke the silence. She had given in and was about to hit the lowest of her low by asking the young teen for her advice and help. "Tell me…"

If only, if only she had made it passed those words. There was a loud crash and a sound like a stone hitting the bottom of a well, and the whole straw roof sagged inwards filling the Queens mouth with filth and straw. Damn it.


	8. Flailing

**(dedicated to jAm123 for three reasons: 1. I'm bored 2. She came up with the Sues first name at the most irrelevant time possible 3. To make sure she reads this ;) )**

_Mayflower Philosophy CloudRida Princess was 17 and had beautifully long flaming hair that swished about lightly in a light wind. Her clothes were fitted and out of leather and lace and her completely-black eyes shone attractively in moonlight._

"No, I do not know where Eragon is. No, I do not CARE if he is your heartthrob, that will not change the fact that I do not know where he is. Go away." Murtagh muttered in deadpan, not even looking at the over-elegantly impatient nervous-breakdown infuser.

"Eragon?" the girl sang "I do not ask for dear Eragon when I could haveth thee! My dearest Murtagh of the silently suffering type whom I adore and my heart belongs to!"

Murtagh groaned "listen…" he turned his head towards her "holy! You do know that your head is on fire, right?"

The Sue raised an eyebrow at him "I know, and I am sorry. I did not mean to stay away from you so long, but what must be must be and battles did not come sparingly my way"

"apparently not…" Murtagh turned back to the wall he had been staring at.

"so that's what happens when you over-use the description of red hair as fire…interesting" The Insert entered the room, strangely covered in mud and bits of straw. "clear out little burning thing…"

The Sue took no notice of her.

Insert scratched her head "Mayflower Philosophy CloudRida…something something, move your hand so I can read your name tag…"

Nasuada stormed into the room, in an equally messed up state as the insert, though at least ten times as furious and impatient.  
>Shoving the creature roughly aside, she headed for her changing chambers.<p>

"Princess!" the insert screamed at the Sue. "Sara! Tara! Sophie! Sandy ! Rachelle! Oh just tell me your name for goodness sakes"

Murtagh sighed. "My peace…or what was left of it…destroyed."

Angela entered "stop shouting deary!"

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CALLED MILLY? WHAT HAS MILLY GOT TO DO WITH…"

"that is the LAST time I EVER walk into a house with a straw roof"

"stop SHOUTING!"

"YOU stop SHOUTING!"

"YOU TWO, STOP SHOUTING!"

"BE QUIET YOURSELF QUEENIE!"

Murtagh, Angela and even Nasuada, coming out of the chamber to join in, stared at the Insert in shock. She stared back and then rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"it's not like you can actually DO anything to me…well…that's what they say on Fanfiction anyway…it's all 'writers protection' and…I'm talking too much again" she stuttered. "Ah, sod this, I knew I should have dropped in at the first book and stole the egg instead of coming afterwards. AFTERWARDS always has so many problems and loose ends that big mr. CP never thinks about. And what was it about the giant snails too? What relevance did they have to the story exactly? Nevertheless…" she trailed off, noticing that the grown-ups were still gaping at her.

"SEIZE HER!" Murtagh yelled.

"oh not again…"

The guards came scrambling in, but made no move to grab hold of the Insert.  
>"seize her…" Nasuada sighed.<p>

~~~~~~~~~~M~E~A~N~W~H~I~L~E~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eragon leapt atop Saphira with as much energy as he could muster, which in his current state wasn't much, but it got him on her just about despites all.

_Take me away from this place, Saphira, take me away and do it quickly._

Saphira snorted and slowly flapped her wings, but only to send a wind to ruffle his hair. Annoyed, Eragon flattened his hair once more and glared into the dragons giant eye.

_Wait for it…_ she cautioned, shielding her mind from him less than a second later.

Eragon waited and then glared up at the sky in frustration…where he discovered a small green dot carrying an even smaller green line in the distance.

"OH…" he breathed. "Arya…"

**I know it's short, forgive me please. I had a lot to do and no time to do it in… :( I'll try and put out another much sooner than I did this one in comparison to the last though. **

**And as always; REVIEW! (please) **


	9. Catching

**Well, looks like my last promise went to naught. That's what school does *mutters:* blooming school, it's not like it helps anything ANYWAY…except for…that career thing…but who cares about THAT?**

**Anyway, back to the story:**

Arya lifted her head and looked at the collection of kings, Queens, Riders, Dragons and wise bystanders…and lastly at the Insert.

"According to you, we are characters in a book and this is not a real world…" she said slowly and not all too impolitely, but it was quite clear that she did not hold much of the Inserts opinion.

"I never ACTUALLY straight out said that…I may have hinted…subtly...that that was the case, but I never actually admitted it"

Nasuada gave her a frustrated glance "but you didn't deny it either!" she growled and sat down on the bench between Orrin and Eragon.

Once again they had found themselves in the hall of discussion, but what the council was holding was less a discussion and more, it seemed, a hidden competition of power and wit. Nasuada thought it unnecessary for Arya to stick her nose into the business of her people and incidentally Arya was of the same opinion and had no idea why Eragon had roped her into this troublesome riddle. Orrin and Orik wanted nothing more than a solution and would go to any means to attain their goals, and so were mentally on their knees begging the elven woman to stay. Angela was grumpy. The Insert kept on being threatened and accused and frankly, nobody knew who was in charge anymore and everybody (excluding perhaps Solembum and the Insert) was trying to prove that they were worthy of that role.

Insert did not reply, even when everybody's eyes were turned on her.

"Well," Angela broke the silence "that settles it"

Eragon frowned "settles what? That we're all made up? that we have no free will? That we will live and die in another all-mighty persons imagination and be forgotten when our time has come?" he was becoming increasingly panicked.

Angela rolled her eyes "no, that settles it; we need to have a pot of tea and clear our heads a bit. Where is that lovely woman…Aila I believe she is called, she makes the most delicious tea I have tasted in a long time?"

Murtagh glowered at her. _What an anti-climactic response…_

~~0~~0~^.^~0~~0~~

Aila hovered over the tea pot and tried to figure out what to say. She had already had her place made secure in delivering the tea to the queen herself, but how could she convince them to let her help with the eradication of the horrible beings?

~~0~~0~^.^~0~~0~~

Murtagh stood up. "I wash my hands of the matter, I seem to have no power over anything anyway, so it doesn't matter what I say" glaring at the guards still holding the Insert to show that he meant them, he stormed out of the room.

"What a spoilt…" the Insert was glared into quietness.

Meanwhile Murtagh opened his door to an all too familiar sight.

"Oh…I've seen you before. You're the one who disappeared with a rainbow…"

"Starlight," she bowed and smiled "I have found and lost my Eragon again…could you help me?"

Murtagh smirked "he's with Arya…what do you say to that?"

"HOW COULD SHE? THAT B****!" Starlight screamed. She clapped her hands together and called something in a language that has never existed and never will and might have been an attempt to speak elfish. Starlight grinned and a blue unicorn appeared.

Murtagh stared at it "I…was…actually…" he blinked "joking…when I…"

The unicorn neighed and Starlight stroked its head lovingly "she's called Moonlight"

Murtagh's eyebrows raised themselves "you're ability to give your victims unique names defies all description" he said in a low voice.

Starlight bowed "I know Murtagh, but I'm sorry. I love Eragon too much to leave him, and I am sure you can at least TRY and find true love with Nasuada"

Murtagh shook his head in disgust "may the gods and their disciples help us"

~~0~~0~^.^~0~~0~~

Nasuada flicked her wrist at the guards "listen to Murtaghs commands from now on will you?"

"And I still say he's like a spoilt teenager…"

Ignoring the Insert, she beckoned Aila to come into the room. Dutifully sharing out the tea, she began to speak. Starting out by saying each name and their respective title, she continued with a lot of stuttering and choking and nervous shaking, so much so that she spilt some of the tea onto the Inserts lap and began to panic and cry.

Nasuada was about to dismiss her when the Insert held up her finger and actually placed it onto the queens lips "don't you dare." She hissed "don't you even think about it"

The Insert managed a solemn and serious shake of head before the guards dragged her away.

"I just wanted…" Aila took a deep breath catching herself. The Insert had given her time, now she could use it. "I want to help" she said determinedly "to erase this vermin from our wonderful lands and bring peace to all women abroad, oh your highness, please, I beg of you! Let me help. I do not expect you to discuss or even look at me, all I want is that you know, when the time comes, I will be a reliable supporter of your decision and actions"

~~0~~0~^.^~0~~0~~

_Well, this sucks. _The Insert looked away in disgust, trying to stay as far away as possible from the writhing mass of Sues. The paths that led between the cells had been stuffed with the beings and all that kept them from the castle was a heavy wooden door and a flight of stairs, on which the Insert was perched.

She stared down at her grubby pyjamas and the grotty steps and groaned "well, this is just great. Leave it to me to find a way into Alagaësia, completely forgetting the fact that I might want to find a way back OUT"

A few of the Sues snorted or laughed at her, breathing words of mock under their breaths.

"Oh be quiet you shiny haired doll-faces! I can talk to myself all I want, I'm in a right spot of bother, I am"

In the silence (though it was not all that silent, the crinkling of the clothes echoed so loudly it was quite distressing) that followed, the Insert started to hum, and then sing;

_Can you see the villains dancing  
>hiding from the light?<br>Casting shadows on the walls  
>with long and crooked fingers…<br>_

It was a song she had heard over and over as a child, and quite possibly the reason behind her apparent eccentricity…or insanity…either would do.

_Say your prayers to the Lord  
>as the day draws night<br>for only they will hold them  
>at bay until the morning light<em>

_Searching through the fears  
>and phobias within your head<br>hide your feelings well my dear  
>from the shadow-creatures lurking<em>

_Imperfection; jealousy, vanity is scorn  
>for the innocence of those<br>who accept their incompletion  
>at the shaking of a head…<em>

She trailed off. "hey…I'm a GENIUS!"


	10. Flowing

***stumbles onto fanfiction* erm…I'm sorry for being away so long…? Here's the next chapter… *hides***

Two soldiers barged into the prison chambers, making a point of glaring at the snoring insert before carrying the seven requested Mary Sues out of the room silently, and then slamming the door shut as loudly as they could.  
>The insert jumped in shock, waking up to find her cheek imbedded on sharp-edged rock and her neck and back as stiff as an ironing board.<br>"Tell me again why I decided to come here," she said, groggily, removing her cheek from the stone and the dried blood from her cheek. _Ow…_  
>Feeling terribly sorry for herself, she stood up and stretched, glaring at the crowd of big-eyed, glowing, hair-infested Barbie dolls at the foot of the staircase.<p>

"It pains me to say this," the insert announced "but you lot are pests, horrible, disgustingly-perfect pests, and no one likes you. Has it ever occurred to you that friendship and love are not ACTUALLY based on looks…well; they shouldn't be at the least, besides! If everyone was as perfect as you, nothing would ever happen anymore, it'd be boring as a book about roof tiles!"  
>The sues turned towards her "it is very rude of you to say something like that, Nasuada, I personally think I would make a better leader than you" a blonde haired, gold-eyed Sue stated, putting one foot onto the bottom step. There were murmurs of agreement. Of course...The Sues needed<em> some<em> way of getting annoyed with her for criticising them...what better way than to accuse her of being Nasuada? _This is rediculous...scary, but rediculous._

"Unless of course you were really interested in roof tiles…" Insert pointed out, biting her nail. The Sues started to move, walking, prancing, dancing, skipping or shuffling in a general stair-way direction, behaving increasingly like an elegantly angry mob. "uh-oh…" The Insert tried to scramble up the side of the wall, gritting her teeth when the rough stones rubbed the skin off the tips of her fingers. Dangling off the top stone from her hands, kicking the odd Mary Sue or two in the face as they rushed past and broke the door open with other-worldly force, she found herself faced with her lack of strength and essentially dying from the strain. "Why. Are. There. So. Many?" she growled, watching the never-ending stream of Sues flowing through the door beneath her. Her fingers started slipping.

"damn it"

~~0~~0~^.^~0~~0~~

Arya inspected the seven Sues lined up before her. This was tedious work, tedious work which she was being forced into doing willingly. The entire group continuously reassured her that if she didn't want to help, she could simply leave, but the subliminal messages she picked up through facial expression and tone of voice were telling her a very different story; more along the lines of 'leave now and we will never forgive you' then 'no, honestly, we really don't mind'  
>She poked one of the Sues in the face, it didn't react.<p>

"very well…My name is Arya," three of the Sues stared at her directly.  
>"Is that so?" one of them began. Arya, though she did not show it, was a little puzzled at that reply.<br>"yes…that IS my na…"  
>"Well I heard something very different from Eragon's own mouth. He told me he loved me! And then he even proposed to me!" there was a pause, as though the Sue was listening to someone else replying to her spontaneous announcement. "are you accusing me of lying?"<p>

Arya felt suddenly slightly lost, it was probably the first time she had ever felt that helpless…at the hands of perfect monster.

~~0~~0~^.^~0~~0~~

Murtagh lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling when he heard a stampede of crinkling clothes and gentle pitter-patter of a million perfect feet landing on the polished stone of the castle's floor. "What NOW?" he groaned, peeling himself out from under the sheets and stumbling towards his door. A whole sea of the horrible creatures was flowing right passed his room, all of them with the same determined look upon their faces. At some point or other there was the faint sound of yelling, and the next thing he knew, the Insert was floating past him, lying on a bed out of the tops of Sue-heads moaning "help me!"

Murtagh blinked. "I'm going back to bed," he decided, shaking his head "this is getting to bizarre"


End file.
